Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I'm Smarter Than....My Cat

I have a sick kid and a sick cat.  What fun!

Ultraviolet has been home all week with a fever and a sore throat, which isn't anything out of the ordinary.  Every year we have several episodes of this sort, and while it's an inconvenience, it's nothing major.  But I am hoping she'll be well in time to go back to school on Friday.  You're probably thinking what's the point of sending her back to school for only one day before the weekend starts, but there's a good reason for it.  See, Friday is Carnival Day at school, and this, being her last year at elementary school, is the last year she gets to dress up.  She and one of her friends have decided to dress punk.  Her costume has been ready since last weekend, and she had quite a lot of fun trying it on and doing a photo session...SAM hates the camera, but Ultraviolet loves it, and can pose for hours.  So, she's all set.  Now all she needs is for her throat to cooperate. 

Here's Ultraviolet with an attitude:

And a close-up of her don't-mess-with-me makeup:

My husband came home while she was trying on her costume, and all he could say was, "That's scary!"  Scary indeed.  If Ultraviolet were a little taller, I sure wouldn't want to run into her in a dark alley.  But I'm more than happy to let her dress up this way once a year, as long as it's only once a year.

And the cat?  Well, I am hoping he'll be well before Friday too.  Not because he has to go celebrate Carnival or anything, but because I would really like him to stop throwing up on my rug.

Why is it that cats always throw up on rugs or furniture, and not on the easy-to-mop kitchen floor?

I think he must have a giant hairball or something because he's making that weird wheezing sound cats make when they have hairballs.  He gets enough grass to purge himself, but this must be one hell of a hairball, so drastic measures are in order.  I asked The Professor to bring home a tube of malt paste, which is supposed to be a very effective remedy.  Give the cat a blob of paste, and in a few days he's hairball free.  Sounds easy enough, or so I thought.  Every cat I've ever known loves malt paste.  I swear they must put catnip or some other feline recreational drug in it, because they go nuts for this stuff.  Our other cats even used to come running from the other end of the house as soon as I started unscrewing the cap.

Yes, all cats have Vulcan hearing...they can even hear things like you thinking about giving them a bath, and then they opportunely hide themselves in the last place you'd look.  So, a little tip to all you cat owners, the next time you are planning on giving your cat a bath, think of a nice juicy steak.  Then, grab the cat and throw him into the water before he knows what hit him.

Anyway, back to the anti-hairball paste.  It turns out that our cat is not like every other cat.  No, this cat runs away as soon as he sees me with the tube in my hands.  So I, being the highly intelligent person that I am (well, okay, at least I'm smarter than my cat), tried a new trick.  I smeared a dab of paste on each of his front paws.  Anyone who knows anything about cats will tell you that cats hate being dirty, and having something sticky on their paws warrants a thorough paw licking.  Between having sticky paws and having to eat something he finds absolutely repulsive, he chooses to go with the bath every single time.  Not without giving me a dirty look first, but he eats the paste.  Ha! I outsmarted you, cat. 

Now if only I could get my kids to eat broccoli the same way.


  1. She looks straight out of MJ's Thriller video.

    Serious question: Do you buy those tights already ripped like that?

    I have been chosen as The Official Photographer on behalf of my daughter's daycare for the Friday Carnival extravaganza.

    Also, the "vampire bite" freckles work well with this costume.

  2. Awesome costume. I hope both the cat and UV feel better.

  3. I had a cat who didn't like the malt paste either, and when I tried the putting-it-on-his-feet thing, he refused to wash them and would either shake his feet and fling the paste around the room, or go lie down on a carpet and fold his legs under himself so it came off. Does that mean you are smarter than me because you were able to outsmart a cat and I wasn't??

  4. Not at all sure about the paste or even the cat for that matter but UV looks fantastic! You do realize that you just have to let her go on Friday regardless. That costume is too good to stay home sick!

  5. MUy ochentera la verdad, jajaja tu llegaste a vestir así? yo casi, menos las sombras negras, pero incluso me corté el flequillo en puntas, parecía un gallo, jajajaja.

  6. Erik: Congrats on being elected official photographer! But who's going to take a photo of you? Because we just have to see you all dressed up. I don't know if you can buy tights that are ripped like that or not, these were torn by one of Carmen's friends for a previous costume. Oh, and I'll tell UV what you said about the freckles, these kids love vampires, so she'll be pleased.

    Asha: I seriously hope so...and my carpet does too. ;)

    Bud: No, that just means you had a very stubborn cat. :D

    giozi: No, yo nunca me he vestido así...bueno, con sombra negra, sí, pero no tanto, y nada de mechas de colorines ni medias rotas.

  7. WoW! While I'm not sure about the cat, I can say with all certainty that UV has nothing - and I mean NOTHING on Cyndi Lauper. She looks amazing! You do realize that no matter what, you'll have to let her go on Friday! This costume is just too good to stay home sick.

  8. I wish I could pull off that look. And that attitude. Then people wouldn't butt in front of me at the market. She looks awesome.

  9. Mama, the tights broke at school and THEN Uxue ripped them for Halloween. But they were already broken.

  10. Very Cute outfit UV, hope you feel better soon.

  11. That Vulcan hearing thing is true. As an experiment I just thought the word in my head, and two cats ran from the room.

  12. PicklePits: She finally didn't end up going, she didn't feel like it, so she must really be sick.

    Rea: I can just imagine you dressed like that giving all those little old ladies that try to cut in front of you nasty looks. :D

    Catgirl: I stand corrected, but I was right about them being torn on purpose.

    Wanda: Well, she's got a long weekend ahead to get better. :)

    Doug: They truly do hear everything, so if you want to catch a cat, think mouse.

  13. Ultraviolet looks fantastic in her costume! Great make up too!

    I can't imagine how big that hair ball must be...YIKES! When it finally comes out, just don't post it OK? lol!!