Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I know your nostrils by heart...

No, that isn't the start of some very strange love poem. That is something I could say to my orthodontist, not that I ever will, but it is true. Her nostrils are becoming all too familiar to me after all the visits to have my teeth pushed and pulled with varying instruments of dental torture. By now I could probably even draw them from memory, right down to the very last hair.

P, if you're reading this, they're quite nice as nostrils go, not at all too hairy.

(Wouldn't want to get on her bad side, now would I? After all, she is the one with all the wires and pliers and stuff).

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not the one on the ceiling of her office. Catgirl and Princess V's teeth are finally free, and that's an incentive for me to keep dragging my butt down there and plunking down the cash for the next adjustment. The truth is that my jaw is much better...probably because my brain is now focused on how hard it is to eat anything without getting it stuck in all this #*%$ing metal (nothing like braces to bring all the rude words to your mouth, or in my case to my blog). Hey, I'm even having a hard time finding my teeth under all the shackles. My brain is in fact focusing so hard on all this, that nothing is coming to mind for a new post....damn, just when my blog's been in the paper too. Oh well, it's a good thing I'm over at Scrivel today. I'll be bringing you some exciting news about remote control contraceptives. You really don't want to miss this. And if you do, don't come whining to me nine months from now.

...Hey, would you look at that, I wrote a post after all.

And if you go over to Scrivel I promise you'll never have to look up anyone's nostrils...well, maybe only sometimes.


  1. what fun to be so acquainted with someone's nostrils. my girl had her braces off recently but she is not wearing her retainer. i'm less than pleased.

  2. If I were an Orthodontist, I'd leave silly little messages to read inside my nostrils...

  3. Wait a minute... you have braces? For some reason I find that extremely charming :-)

  4. LOL!!! Actually, it would be a wonderful way to start a poem.

    I felt your pain, though. Sorry...

  5. lime: Not fun actually, except as blog fodder. Tell her to wear it or she may find them putting the braces back on. That's something I sure wouldn't want. :)

    ve: You would be a fun orthodontist, I'm sure. So, what kind of messages? "Read Variant E's Fantastical Nonsense" could be a good one.

    jeff: Yes, I look like an overgrown teenager. At least I don't have to worry about dating anymore. ;)

    pavel: Well, it would be a strange poem, but original. How do I know thy nostrils? Let me count the ways... ;)

  6. I like the title of this post. Very nose - er - eye-catching.

    Read your scrivel piece and squirmed in my seat without even being male!

    - Margaret at Nanny Goats In Panties

  7. I've often wondered about dentists and their lack of nostril grooming. Wouldn't you think they have to take that class at school?

  8. You can't help but notice her nostrils. Good luck with the wires, you'll look marvellous-er when they're off.

    Just catching up, you celebrity you! And I love your drawing in the post a few down.

  9. ve: LOL!

    My oldest daughter is currently undergoing the torture...ah..."adjustments" with a a spacer. We haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet. I'm sure she'll have much creative verse to write during the experience. In fact, I'm going to suggest your opening line as a starter, lol.

  10. I bet making out with you has taken on whole new challenges and excitements.

    Not that I spend a lot of time thinking about what it's like to make out with you.

    Cuz that would be weird.

  11. nanny goats: Not as eye-catching as the title of your blog. ;)

    johnada: Mine actually has very nice normal nostrils, just that I see them from an odd perspective.

    lobo: Thanks. Unlike the nostrils, I haven't seen much of you lately. Looks like I need to take a spin around the blogosphere.

    g: I don't know how I'll look, but I'll feel marvelous. Thanks and thanks. I feel like I never have time to catch up these days.

    jozet: You could have her guest post on your blog, that could be fun.

    jocelyn: Very weird. But if I were into girls, you'd be the first to know. ;)