Sunday, December 9, 2007

Please Don't Pinch the Plumber

We solved our recent toilet paper crisis by running out to buy a package of 60 rolls of the stuff.

And just in the nick of time too, since the next day was yet another national holiday, and today is Sunday (and you guessed it, nothing is open).

If you're in dire need of, say, condoms, you can always go to the on-duty pharmacy (there are always several designated ones for each Sunday and holiday), but they don't look too kindly on people coming in at night for banal stuff like toilet paper. So, I'm glad we made it to Friday, and were able to stock up for the weekend (okay, 60 rolls will last slightly longer than that, but not much).

When I got our jumbo package home I saw a coupon on the side, saying I could be the lucky winner of 6,000 euros. All I have to do is send it in with the proof of purchase and wait for the drawing. Then another thing caught my eye; if I include a letter with a funny bathroom story, those 6,000 euros could become 12,000.


My mind raced feverishly, as it tends to do when faced with the prospect of winning 12,000 euros, and I racked my brain for a funny bathroom story. Just think of all the toilet paper I could buy with that money. Unfortunately, the funniest thing that has ever happened to me in the bathroom is that one day my cat (literally) scared the shit out of me, when he opened the door. I was alone in the house and I had closed (but not locked) the door, when suddenly I saw the door handle moving. Someone was in the house and trying to open the bathroom door! And I wasn't exactly in a good position to defend myself. I was debating whether or not to scream, when the cat pushed open the door with his face. I could understand that he didn't like being alone, but this was ridiculous.

Definitely not worth 12,000 euros.

Other stories come to mind, but these are ones that happened to other people. One of my favorites is this one about a doctor who lived in the town where my husband grew up. It seems the pipe under the kitchen sink was leaking, and the man called for the plumber, but since the plumber took forever to show up, he decided to try and fix the leak himself. His wife left him working under the sink, and went out to run some errands. When she came home she saw he was still working, and she came up behind him and reached down to give him a tickle, and said, "¿De quien son estos huevitos?" (Whose little balls are these?). The guy bolted upright, and banged his head on the underside of the counter top, and then the woman saw that it wasn't her husband who she'd just felt up. It seems that while she was out, the plumber arrived and the husband let him continue where he'd left off. The poor plumber ended up with a skull fracture, the story was all over town in a matter of hours, and the doctor and his wife had to move away to escape from all the malicious gossip and funny looks. It's a good story (although I'm sure those involved didn't think so), but it has nothing to do with bathrooms, so that won't do.

So, since this contest is only open to those living in Spain, I'm asking you to share your funny bathroom stories with me so I can send one of them in, and if I win I'll share the prize. What's the funniest thing that's ever happened to you in the bathroom?

* I have just come back from the bathroom, where I entertained myself by reading the details of the contest, and I noticed that it was over in December 2006. Damn! There goes my chance at winning 12,000 euros. But I'm always ready to listen to a funny story, bathroom or otherwise, so tell away.... And don't forget to visit Central Snark, where you won't win 12,000 euros, but you'll get all the laughs you could ever want.


  1. OK, that was very very funny. I have never felt up a plumber myself, so I am not sure I can top that, if I come up with something humerous I'll let you know.

  2. Be careful, if the contest is over, it means the toilet paper rolls could be past the "best before" date. :D

    The plumber story was funny!

    I once used a bathroom in Guatemala... sitting on the seat, half asleep, I grab the roll of toilet paper... and instantaneously felt something biting my hand. A huge insect (okay, not that huge...) was hiding in it!

    I stormed out, my pants down and half crying. My husband still reminds it...

  3. i can't think of a funny story for me, but at my one cousin's wedding, his nephew was a groomsman, we noticed the nephew wouldn't smile with his mouth open, when he did it revealed a giant chip in both his fron teeth. he ad started college just one month earlier and during a raucous party where he overindulged he wound up chipping his teeth on a toilet.....oh yes, he really did. the entire family STILL razzes him about that several years later.

  4. 60 rolls. HAH! Talk to me when you're moving SERIOUS amounts of toilet paper. I'm talkin' three figures.

  5. Hi Theresa,
    You do not know me yet< I came form the website of ZHU, so I red some of our well written stories.
    Good for my english too HA!

    Who am I? Well I am a Dutch woman, from Holland, I like to travel (more short holidays)and I make photo's while we travelling, but my home/house is in Holland, recently I travelled to PARIS and I show a lot of photo's from that short trip. I speak/write in English, because I have family in Canada (They talk english of course)

    You're welcome and pleASE VISIT MY BLOG:)

    You are welcome to visit my blog

  6. Audry my dear,
    More terrifying than funny…
    On the eve of my first trip to OZ many years back, our local Crocodile Dundee warned me of an epidemic of toilet wombats infesting Sydney! He described how the beasts would come through the drains and rear their heads in the bowl and snap at your tackle, or in your case tacklette! Though thankfully, I never experienced the rodents over my two week stay, and locals looked at me strangely when I keenly shared my concern for the epidemic, I still get a chill thinking about it!
    I can just imagine the beasts that are lurking in the plumbing in Pamplona!
    Your very alert toilet blogging pal,

  7. That was such a funny story. I must admit I am worried about your toilet paper it must be stale if the contest was over in 2006. You know to win a bathroom contest in Spain it would have to be a very ummm fragrant story.

  8. Completely off-topic but you are next up in my series of bloggers over at Angry :)

    I have your questions ready to go but I don't have any way to contact you.

    Hit me up at chrisc447 at yahoo dot com and I'll send them to you. I tried to tailor yours more towards an international feel as well as stuff on your blog. :)

  9. I can only think of traumatizing bathroom stories myself, I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. I'm sure you understand. I grew up near you, in Palm Springs, we lived in Ontario for a couple years too. Weird town.

  10. Funny bathroom stories? Having three kids, I have a few funny bathroom stories. Well, maybe funny isn't the right word...

    Your story was funny, though.

  11. i think your cat story was pretty funny... too bad the contest is over now!

  12. Dang. You were so close to almost entering to maybe kinda win some money, possibly.

    I was going to urge you to switch the plumber story into a bathroom, but