I've been studying a little of that new science known as Blogology, to try and understand some of the new blog-related words that have popped up like so many mushrooms after the rain. All this blargon is giving me somewhat of a headache. Or should that be a blogache? No, I guess that would be when you've been blogging too much, and you need a serious break. And if you do blog too much, you're in danger of becoming a blogoholic. Does anybody know if they've created Blog-Anon yet? You also stand a fair chance of developing blogger's butt, which is extremely difficult to eliminate, so maybe someone could invent bloggercise; that way we could blog and excercise at the same time. Even if you aren't worried about blogger's butt, you should be afraid of blogger's wrist, which is carpal tunnel syndrome that is directly related to blogging. Some people even suffer from traumatic post stress, when they are pressed to post even though they lack the time. Post trauma, on the other hand, is what you get after reading a particularly disturbing post. With all these new ailments, I'm afraid we'll soon be seeing a new breed of doctors: bloctors.
So far, I've discovered that if you stick "blog" or even "bl" at the beginning of almost any word, you can create innumerable new blog-words. For example, if you have writer's block, you could say you have blogger's block, you might be blogstipated (which sounds slightly more serious, anybody out there have some Bloglax?), or just plain blogged down. Lots of people end up blogcrastinating to put off having to think of something to post. Of course, the opposite may happen as well, and if you're on a roll you might even experience a blog high (which some say is better than any drug). Don't post too much at one time, though, or people may interpret all your verbiage as blogarrhea.
There are all kinds of blogs out there, as many as there are bloggers. They may take on different forms such as moblogging (blogging by mobile phone) and vlogging (video blogging), not to be confused with flogging (although some of these people should be flogged for flooding the Internet with inane content). Some bloggers are virtual Blog Stars while others are just anonybloggers. There are those who respond to their commenters and others who don't; some of those may be blog snobs, but many have so many commenters that answering them all would be impossible. Some people are just lurkers who never comment at all, and others are real bloupies that rally around certain charismatic bloggers, while the blog troll tries to make everybody's life miserable by leaving nasty comments. When people share a blog, you might find a blog hog, who dominates the scene and doesn't let the others post. And then there's the occasional blogjacker, but unless you give your password away, those shouldn't be any trouble. Some bloggers even have an alter ego, which I'm thinking should be called an alter blego. I'm wondering if anybody knows what a Jabberbloggy is? It sounds dangerous in any case. You might also come across the much feared meme-wraith, who works to vanquish memes for this man. This term is easily confused with meme-wrath, which is probably what the meme-wraith feels when he comes across another meme to slay. So you can see the blogosphere is teeming with all sorts of bloggers, commenters, and other creatures of the blog.
Sexual terms are always a good source of vocabulary, even though the meaning ends up being entirely non-sexual. A blog pimp goes around pushing his blog on others' blogs, and a link whore will do just about anything to get a link to their blog. A blog tease promises to post on something, enticing readers with an interesting topic, but never gets around to posting it. Erotic blogs might give people real blogasms, which is not the same as having a postgasm, that happens when you post a really satisfiying post. Sometimes simultaneous postgasms occur, when two or more people post really satisfying posts on the same subject, and one person may have multiple postgasms when posting a rapid succession of such posts. Doing something bloggy style must mean doing it the real blogger way (whatever that is), I guess you can do just about anything this way. Journalists can report the news on a blog, scientists can divulge new theories and findings by posting, and memes are kind of like the chain letters of the blog world. There are a lot of blirts (blog flirts) in the blogosphere too; some are married, some single, but they all toss around innuendos like there's no tomorrow. It all seems innocent enough, and it rarely leads to anything serious, after all what's a little blirting between blogger buddies.
Then there are the posts, the most important part of a blog. These are the blogbone of any blog. Some blogs are full of lists, which should in theory be called blists. And then there are postlets, which are mini-posts about why the blogger has no time to post, or nothing to say. A blogball is the hairball of posts, one of those incredibly long posts that the blogger spits out, usually after an absence from blogging (although there are bloggers who are more prone to these than others, kind of like what happens to some cats). Just about anything can be blog fodder, if you blogify things enough, even the most mundane, insignificant subject can be turned into a post (although you risk losing most of your readers this way).
People spend a lot of time tweaking and tuning their blogs, trying to turn them into sleek blogging machines. Those who have a some knowledge of HTML code and other such mysterious stuff might customize their templates themselves, but there are lots of bloggers who could use some help. Maybe they could send their blogs to a blogcanic or a blogtician, to have a tune up or maybe even a complete blogover. Don't you ever feel blog envy when you come across one of those perfectly-groomed, well organized blogs (the kind with more commenters on a single post than you get in months)? If you do, then maybe it's time to head off to the blogcologist for a little bloganalysis. Either that, or you can go to Central Snark, where you'll laugh so hard that you'll forget all your blog troubles. But before you do, maybe you can think of some more blargon that we should all learn to become more blogliterate.