I just came back from getting braces.
Well, actually the braces come later; for now I have a diabolical little device called a palate expander. It seems that Vio inherited her palate problem from me, and now I am discovering what happens when you don't treat it early. For several years I've had a pain in my jaw that goes up to my ear, and I was sent from doctor to doctor, and none of them could figure out what was wrong. Finally one of them said, "Maybe it's your teeth, you should see a dentist."
Thanks, man. Why couldn't someone have told me that before?
Sure enough, the dentist told me I needed to have my palate expanded, hence the name of the diabolical device, otherwise I could expect the problem to keep getting worse. I imagined horrible things like my jaw getting stuck and having to go around with my mouth open all the time (okay, I have an overactive imagination, so sue me). Now, I'm not too fond of swallowing flies, so I decided to go ahead with the treatment, even though it means I'll be looking like a blond Ugly Betty for a couple of years.
Yeah, that's right, I'll be wired for a couple of years, and not the kind of wired you get from coffee.
I also realized as I was lying in the dentist's chair this morning, that I would be getting to know my orthodontist's nostrils very intimately. Funny, the things that go though one's mind at a time like this. At least for now I only have the inside part, which is not visible on the outside, but I talk funny. I won't be saying any tongue twisters for a while, because they'll come out something like this, "Theven thilver thwans thwam thilently theaward." And my lovely rolling Rs, which are so important in Spanish, are gone. I worked so hard, and I had them down pat, but now I'm back where I started.
So, feel sorry for me, and hey, if you want to make me feel better, vote for me over at Diesel's caption contest. Or, if you don't want to vote for me, you could vote for one of these blogger buds: Zoning Out Again, Crazy Aunt Bea, or Rjlight. Not that I'm telling you what to do or anything, I'm just nudging you in the right direction. Okay, be that way, just vote for the best caption. After all, this is all about the captions, not about popularity, right? Go on, vote. Do it for Ugly Betty and all the other brace-faces out there. Oh, and before you go, check out something you should never do with braces. Warning: if you are under 18, easily offended, or squeamish about sex in any way, do not watch it. Okay, now I know you are all going to go running over there, because what is more tempting than a forbidden fruit? Well, don't say I didn't warn you. And if you're under 18 and get in trouble for watching it...well, I'm not your mother (Unless you happen to be one of my kids, and then I'll be grounding you without internet for the next month, so watch it! No, that doesn't mean I'm telling you to watch it, I'm telling you to watch out because I am watching you!). If you are under 18 you should watch this instead: