Wednesday, November 21, 2007

I'm Wired, not Weird (well, okay, that too)

I just came back from getting braces.

Well, actually the braces come later; for now I have a diabolical little device called a palate expander. It seems that Vio inherited her palate problem from me, and now I am discovering what happens when you don't treat it early. For several years I've had a pain in my jaw that goes up to my ear, and I was sent from doctor to doctor, and none of them could figure out what was wrong. Finally one of them said, "Maybe it's your teeth, you should see a dentist."

Thanks, man.  Why couldn't someone have told me that before?

Sure enough, the dentist told me I needed to have my palate expanded, hence the name of the diabolical device, otherwise I could expect the problem to keep getting worse. I imagined horrible things like my jaw getting stuck and having to go around with my mouth open all the time (okay, I have an overactive imagination, so sue me). Now, I'm not too fond of swallowing flies, so I decided to go ahead with the treatment, even though it means I'll be looking like a blond Ugly Betty for a couple of years.

Yeah, that's right, I'll be wired for a couple of years, and not the kind of wired you get from coffee.

I also realized as I was lying in the dentist's chair this morning, that I would be getting to know my orthodontist's nostrils very intimately. Funny, the things that go though one's mind at a time like this. At least for now I only have the inside part, which is not visible on the outside, but I talk funny. I won't be saying any tongue twisters for a while, because they'll come out something like this, "Theven thilver thwans thwam thilently theaward." And my lovely rolling Rs, which are so important in Spanish, are gone. I worked so hard, and I had them down pat, but now I'm back where I started.

So, feel sorry for me, and hey, if you want to make me feel better, vote for me over at Diesel's caption contest. Or, if you don't want to vote for me, you could vote for one of these blogger buds: Zoning Out Again, Crazy Aunt Bea, or Rjlight. Not that I'm telling you what to do or anything, I'm just nudging you in the right direction. Okay, be that way, just vote for the best caption. After all, this is all about the captions, not about popularity, right? Go on, vote. Do it for Ugly Betty and all the other brace-faces out there. Oh, and before you go, check out something you should never do with braces. Warning: if you are under 18, easily offended, or squeamish about sex in any way, do not watch it. Okay, now I know you are all going to go running over there, because what is more tempting than a forbidden fruit? Well, don't say I didn't warn you. And if you're under 18 and get in trouble for watching it...well, I'm not your mother (Unless you happen to be one of my kids, and then I'll be grounding you without internet for the next month, so watch it! No, that doesn't mean I'm telling you to watch it, I'm telling you to watch out because I am watching you!). If you are under 18 you should watch this instead:


  1. I never had braces. I needed them, but never got them. I friggin' hate orthodontists- I was emotionally scarred by one at a young age. Even if I could get free braces today I wouldn't go for it. So I don't have any silly braces stories about my teenage years.

    All right, Theresa. I feel bad for you and your non-rolling R's. I'm gonna go vote for you right now.

  2. may i suggest you go to my blog and search the title 'adventures in orthodontia.' it should bring up a post with a link to an old blog of mine with many stories of a particularly odd orthodontist who takes care of my limelette's teeth. hopefully it will make you laugh and not strike terroro into yoru heart. of course it m ay have the same 'laugh/wince' inducing effect that the first video had on me. eeeeek!

  3. Ouch! I'm so sorry! That doesn't look like fun at at all. I don't have braces and I'm darn thankful.

  4. Not another post on teeth! No! I just suffered through a 2.5-hour tooth extraction two weeks ago. Yes, that long for ONE tooth.

    I'm leaving now. :)

  5. I had trouble seeing the connection sucked today, the gods of Telefonica....sorry about the teeth, I had braces ages ago and it was dreary, then again, constant pain is not exactly a good time either. Especially if it is likely to get worse...

    Good luck with it.

  6. I kind of pictured you as having your mouth open all the time anyway.

    Yay for Huey!

  7. Same here... I had braces for a few years when I was a kid but I stopped when the doct. wanted to pull out a few teeth in order to make some room for other.

    Been living happily with not so straight teeth since then!;)

  8. "So, feel sorry for me"

    Theretha... I do, I do feel thorry for you!


    p.s. OUCH!

  9. OH! My thympathies!!!!!
    I've heard so many bad dental stories going around out there. It only took once for me! I was 26 when I'd gone to the dentist the first time in many many many years. My parents didn't have insurance when I was a kid. Luckily I was obsessed with a having a clean mouth and it also helped that we had floride in our community water. I had zero cavities! The dentist was amazed. So since he couldn't find anything to do other than a routine cleaning, he asked me if I would like to have my wisdom teeth pulled. He said he could schedule one at a time or do them all at once. I said "sure, why not, take 'em all now!" Let me just say "D'HOOOOOWWWWIIIIEEE!" It was a day before my birthday. I spent a couple of days running around the house in tears.
    I feel your pain dearest friend!!!!
    Just try to stub your toes from time to time. Stub them real good. It'll take your mind off the pain in your mouth!
    :0) I fixed the video for you're viewing pleasure! Sorry about that. Good luck over there at Diesel's place! You're doing great! If it get's close, I change my vote from myself to a vote for you! :0) Yes, I can do that! :0D Hope you and the family are having a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!
    You can eat right?

  10. I already voted for you, dearling!

    And I'll bet an expanded palate will make you even cuter.

    Damn you, vixen.

    I mean, victhen.

  11. Frogster: Sorry to hear about your bad experience. For me it's a choice between a limited time of pain from the braces or a lifetime of jaw problems, so I guess I'll just have to deal with it. Thanks for your vote, you're a real pal. :)

    Lime: I checked out Adventures in Orthodontia, and I laughed my head off. I can just picture the guy now. Poor Limelette! At least my orthodontist is a very cheerful French woman, who explains everything, and tries to make the experience as painless as possible.

    Pavel: No, it's not fun, but it's necessary in my case. I'm glad you never needed braces.

    Dan: I'm so glad you're back, I really missed you! 2.5 hours for one tooth? Ouch! I had my wisdom teeth out years ago, and the whole thing took less than an hour. Of course, to me it seemed like forever. You poor thing.

    Orneta: I guess a couple of years of dreariness is worth it if I get rid of the pain in my jaw. It's not fun, but at least they caught it in time.

    Diesel: I guess that's the effect you have on people. Be happy that my mouth is open, it's when it's closed that you should worry -I'm much more dangerous when I'm quiet. ;)

    Zhu: That sounds terrible, he must not have been a very good dentist. So, far this dentist hasn't said anything about pulling any teeth.

    Morgan: Thank you tho much! Actually, my S's have come back, but the R's, now that's another story.

    ZOA: I've only had one cavity in my life, so I guess that flouride in the water thing does work. Oh, the wisdom tooth thing, don't remind me. They took mine out years ago, because I didn't have room for them. Had mine out all at once too, it's not a nice experience. Okay, as soon as I'm done with this, I'm going to check out the video. That should take my mind off the braces for a while, and then I'll go stub my toes. The eating thing's not going too well. I can eat, but it's highly uncomfortable. This thing is an efective diet aid, I'll tell ya. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving over here, so no big meal to miss out on, and I hope that by Christmas I'll be used to this stupid thing. Oh, and it looks like Brad is winning by a mile, so there's not too much to do about it, but thanks for offering to change your vote. It's all about the fun of participating anyway. :)

    Jocelyn: Thanks, you're a real thweetheart. :)

  12. oy, ay-yi-yi, and aieeeee!

    so sorry to hear of your dental woes, but glad to know the "problem" is fixable. i had to "brace" myself in order to watch that first video -- did i mention "aieeee"? i did? well, suffice it to say that's exactly the sound that came out of my own open mouth when i saw it! yikes. ; ) xox

  13. I remember having braces and hating them, so i feel for you. Fun blog btw.


  14. Neva: Thanks for your sympathy, which is what we should all feel for the poor guy in the video. :)

    Palm Springs Savant: Braces are hateful, but if they fix the problem I'll put up with them. Now I think I'll go check out your blog.