My humans have done it again! First, they bring a young whippersnapper into my kingdom, one who used to eat my food, sleep in my bed, scratch on my scratching post, and worst of all, sleep on my humans' laps...Okay, he didn't turn out to be so bad after all, and I actually missed him when he was gone.
Next, those darned humans went and left me in a place filled with other cats and a particularly vociferous chihuahua; I heard them say something about a vacation, now what kind of vacation is that, I ask? A cramped cage, bad food, a bunch of yowling fools, and a yapping rat is not what I call a vacation.
Now I'm finally home, and have been nothing but sweet and attentive (I didn't even take revenge by peeing on the bed like some other cats do, that's just too vulgar, besides you attract more flies with honey than vinegar), and what do these people do? They come home with another intruder.
This one looks a lot like the other one, but she's smaller, but if they're trying to fool me I'm not falling for it. And now they're all, "Oh look she's eating, how cute!...Oh look, she's using the box, how cute!...Oh look, she's taking a poop, how cute!" Gag me with a hairball! Come on people, I mean, when was the last time anyone watched me eat? And I make much less of a mess than this little fur ball. When was the last time anyone said, "Oh look, Cleo's using the box, how cute!"...or, "Oh look, Cleo's taking a poop, how cute!" After all, my poops are much bigger and smellier, doesn't that count for anything?
She's even got fleas, ear mites, and lord-knows-what-else. They've already given her three baths, and spent hours combing her. When was the last time anyone gave me a bath?...Uh, wait a minute... Forget I said that. Now they just came home from the vet, and she's covered with all kinds of sticky stuff to get rid of all the nasty bugs she's got, and what's worse, they put some on me too! If that little rat hadn't come along, I wouldn't have this stinky stuff on my neck (Damn, I can't reach to lick it off).
And her name...Don't even get me started on her name. They're calling her Mica - Have you ever heard such a silly name? It's nothing like my name, Cleopatra, now that's a regal name...
At least those confounded humans aren't letting that free sample of a cat out in my garden, after all a cat's garden is her kingdom...Give me a garden where the moles roam free, and I can catch the birds that roost in the tree...Sorry, the stress must be getting to me...Well, I'm off to survey what's left of my kingdom, and while I'm there, I think I'll just make a little statement of protest in the form of a poop left right in the middle of the path...That'll teach 'em not to mess with Cleopatra, Queen of Mutilva Baja.