My week has been "strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own satanic herd" (Sorry Blackadder, just had to borrow that phrase). The weather has been shitty all week, we even had to turn on the heater in the mornings -Come on, we're in June for God's sake! I have also been trying to write this post since Wednesday, but it has been impossible, due to forces beyond my control. Really, trust me, I haven't just been playing around with the Thermomix...Well, okay, I have been a little, but that's not the reason I haven't written anything lately. I was all ready to write an absolutely brilliant post about why I haven't written anything since Tuesday (Okay, the last post was on Sunday, but I did an update on Tuesday), but my computer went berserk and wouldn't let me connect to Internet. I even missed being named Adjutant Inspector at Mattress Police; anything that keeps me away from Diesel's place is a serious problem, usually even wild horses couldn't keep me away. But the dark forces of the Universe conspired against me to stop me from writing my most inspired post. Yes, I had a genius idea, my best idea yet, but since I spent the past few days trying to fix the damn computer, the idea has long since departed. Where did it go? Is it hiding somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, waiting for me to coax it out with the promise of some nice food? Hey, come on, I'll make you some savory vegetable soup with the Thermomix....Okay, How about a crispy pizza?....Some strawberry cheesecake, maybe?.... Nope, it's just not listening. Well, in that case I'll just have to tell the truth about why I haven't posted anything (besides the @#$%* computer), even if that means you all run away screaming hysterically, wondering how I could ever post such a thing.
Besides the computer trouble, we had an even worse problem. It all started like this: Rocío brought home some silkworms about a week ago, and along with them she brought some unwanted visitors. We had no idea that these insidious invaders we in our home until Wednesday, when Ro came to me saying her head was itchy. A light flashed on inside my brain going, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh no!" I had a look and...Yup, there they were, any mother's nightmare - Lice. So, there you had us, all checking each other for the nasty buggers (my husband half-jokingly said I should come to the bedroom so we could check each other out. Oh sure, that's just what I'm thinking of at a time like this - Aren't men all alike?) Luckily, Ro was the only one who had them, so at least we didn't have a full epidemic.
I just don't get it, my kids share the same brush, yet neither Carmen nor Vio had them, and Ro goes and gets them just by being near another girl. I can just imagine the little critters scouting out new habitats, "Hey Jeb, looky here, another one of them planets is movin' in, let's go check it out." This is followed by two of the little bugs swinging Tarzan-style on a hair and dropping down on Ro's head. They plant their flag and declare, "One small step for louse, one giant step for lice-kind"
Needless to say, we kept Ro home to eradicate the pests, and my husband went to warn the teacher, so the infestation could be stopped. It seems that the girl who gave Ro the silkworms had lice around that time, so we assume that's where they came from, although the whole class could be infested for all I know. This subject is taboo among parents and very few admit to their kids having lice. Now, I don't quite understand the logic here; if your kid has lice, they must have come from somewhere, and if you had known about it you could have been alert for any signs of them. So, what's the point of keeping it all hush hush? It's like this is on the level of leprosy or something, a kid gets lice and suddenly he's a pariah. You have parents coming out of the closet and openly living with their same-sex lovers, parents that admit that their teenagers are having sex, mothers that go topless on the beach in front of their kids, but nobody talks about lice. Nope, lice don't exist, so if they don't exist my kid can't possibly have them. So, if I close my eyes, then those nonexistent creatures will magically disappear from Ro's head.
Well, I didn't wait for that to happen. Listen up all you parents, this is a good tip I'm going to give you. The best way to kill lice is to nuke them - but seeing that they’re on your kid’s head, that’s out of the question. You could try Britney Spears' method, which consists in putting kerosene on them and shaving off your kid’s hair. And then there are all kinds of products on the market to get rid of the nasty critters, that is if you don’t mind slathering insecticide all over your kid’s head. If you're not into that sort of thing, try this:
Mix one box of neutral henna (Cassia) with some warm chamomile tea and a few drops of tea tree oil. Make sure you don't get red henna; Neutral henna is Cassia, and should not give any color, unless your kid is going for a bozo-the-clown look (if that’s the case then be my guest). Don't be scared off by the goose-poop texture and slather the gunk on your kid's head. Leave it for 1 hour and wash off in the shower. Now, your kid will be lice-free but will have a kind of funky smell from the tea tree oil -Don't worry about it, that will keep those other kids with lice away, at least for a few days. Double check to see if any nits are left, they should be gone, but sometimes there will be a few resistant ones (I swear they use Super Glue to stick them on). Put a few drops of tea tree oil in your kid's shampoo to repel any future invaders, they may end up playing all alone, but they sure won't get any more lice.
And if that doesn't help, then get over to Central Snark, because if you can't laugh, what can you do? I promise the only thing that you'll catch over there is a good laugh.