Sunday, June 3, 2007

What a Lousy Week

My week has been "strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own satanic herd" (Sorry Blackadder, just had to borrow that phrase). The weather has been shitty all week, we even had to turn on the heater in the mornings -Come on, we're in June for God's sake! I have also been trying to write this post since Wednesday, but it has been impossible, due to forces beyond my control. Really, trust me, I haven't just been playing around with the Thermomix...Well, okay, I have been a little, but that's not the reason I haven't written anything lately. I was all ready to write an absolutely brilliant post about why I haven't written anything since Tuesday (Okay, the last post was on Sunday, but I did an update on Tuesday), but my computer went berserk and wouldn't let me connect to Internet. I even missed being named Adjutant Inspector at Mattress Police; anything that keeps me away from Diesel's place is a serious problem, usually even wild horses couldn't keep me away. But the dark forces of the Universe conspired against me to stop me from writing my most inspired post. Yes, I had a genius idea, my best idea yet, but since I spent the past few days trying to fix the damn computer, the idea has long since departed. Where did it go? Is it hiding somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, waiting for me to coax it out with the promise of some nice food? Hey, come on, I'll make you some savory vegetable soup with the Thermomix....Okay, How about a crispy pizza?....Some strawberry cheesecake, maybe?.... Nope, it's just not listening. Well, in that case I'll just have to tell the truth about why I haven't posted anything (besides the @#$%* computer), even if that means you all run away screaming hysterically, wondering how I could ever post such a thing.

Besides the computer trouble, we had an even worse problem. It all started like this: RocĂ­o brought home some silkworms about a week ago, and along with them she brought some unwanted visitors. We had no idea that these insidious invaders we in our home until Wednesday, when Ro came to me saying her head was itchy. A light flashed on inside my brain going, "Oh my God, oh my God, oh no!" I had a look and...Yup, there they were, any mother's nightmare - Lice. So, there you had us, all checking each other for the nasty buggers (my husband half-jokingly said I should come to the bedroom so we could check each other out. Oh sure, that's just what I'm thinking of at a time like this - Aren't men all alike?) Luckily, Ro was the only one who had them, so at least we didn't have a full epidemic.
I just don't get it, my kids share the same brush, yet neither Carmen nor Vio had them, and Ro goes and gets them just by being near another girl. I can just imagine the little critters scouting out new habitats, "Hey Jeb, looky here, another one of them planets is movin' in, let's go check it out." This is followed by two of the little bugs swinging Tarzan-style on a hair and dropping down on Ro's head. They plant their flag and declare, "One small step for louse, one giant step for lice-kind"

Needless to say, we kept Ro home to eradicate the pests, and my husband went to warn the teacher, so the infestation could be stopped. It seems that the girl who gave Ro the silkworms had lice around that time, so we assume that's where they came from, although the whole class could be infested for all I know. This subject is taboo among parents and very few admit to their kids having lice. Now, I don't quite understand the logic here; if your kid has lice, they must have come from somewhere, and if you had known about it you could have been alert for any signs of them. So, what's the point of keeping it all hush hush? It's like this is on the level of leprosy or something, a kid gets lice and suddenly he's a pariah. You have parents coming out of the closet and openly living with their same-sex lovers, parents that admit that their teenagers are having sex, mothers that go topless on the beach in front of their kids, but nobody talks about lice. Nope, lice don't exist, so if they don't exist my kid can't possibly have them. So, if I close my eyes, then those nonexistent creatures will magically disappear from Ro's head.

Well, I didn't wait for that to happen. Listen up all you parents, this is a good tip I'm going to give you. The best way to kill lice is to nuke them - but seeing that they’re on your kid’s head, that’s out of the question. You could try Britney Spears' method, which consists in putting kerosene on them and shaving off your kid’s hair. And then there are all kinds of products on the market to get rid of the nasty critters, that is if you don’t mind slathering insecticide all over your kid’s head. If you're not into that sort of thing, try this:

Mix one box of neutral henna (Cassia) with some warm chamomile tea and a few drops of tea tree oil. Make sure you don't get red henna; Neutral henna is Cassia, and should not give any color, unless your kid is going for a bozo-the-clown look (if that’s the case then be my guest). Don't be scared off by the goose-poop texture and slather the gunk on your kid's head. Leave it for 1 hour and wash off in the shower. Now, your kid will be lice-free but will have a kind of funky smell from the tea tree oil -Don't worry about it, that will keep those other kids with lice away, at least for a few days. Double check to see if any nits are left, they should be gone, but sometimes there will be a few resistant ones (I swear they use Super Glue to stick them on). Put a few drops of tea tree oil in your kid's shampoo to repel any future invaders, they may end up playing all alone, but they sure won't get any more lice.

And if that doesn't help, then get over to Central Snark, because if you can't laugh, what can you do? I promise the only thing that you'll catch over there is a good laugh.

17 comments:

  1. Hey, Theresa...For the promise of homemade soup and cheesecake, I'll fly over and give your head a shake to see if any good ideas fall out.........I'll check for those little buggers at the same time.........Judy

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  2. I think it was worth all that trouble just for the title of this post. Bravo.

    You gotta admit, though, "piojo" is a pretty cool word.

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  3. oh yes tea tree oil is such a delicate smell!

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  4. Lordamercy. Lice really ARE a parent's worst nightmare...do you have any residual effects, like lice on pillowcases or in the strawberry cheesecake or anything?

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  5. j.d.: Okay, come on over. I'm making the cheesecake as we speak.

    Erik: The title was the easy part, getting the post up took me four days. My husband tried restoring the system, reinstalling the wifi card, and changing all kinds of parameters; we still haven't figured out exactly what went wrong, but at least it's working again. "Piojo" is a cool word, just rolls right off the tongue, but I would rather not have to hear it associated with my kids.

    Rjlight: Yeah, it must be the smell that gets rid of the little buggers, but it beats those chemical shampoos which can be pretty toxic.

    Jocelyn: Nope, everything is lice-free now, thanks to the henna and tea tree oil. Want to come over and check the cheesecake?

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  6. That wa sa brilliant and hilarious post. I am gla dyou see teh humor behind all this. From the title all the way to the last line, humor hasn´t escaped you.

    Lice are horrible. I had them twice as a kid, if I remember correctly. After a while I became so quick at just going with my hands through my hair and picking them out. My mother was one of those "hush"-types and I didn´t know about the tree oil thing back then.
    I don´t have kids, but I have a lot of little relative and now I feel a bit more equipped for the struggle that is bound to hit every child at leats once.

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  7. with computer problems of our own, i havent' been very diligent about leaving comments -- so sorry about that.

    so sorry, too, for your woes. veryveryvery sorry, even as i find myself laughing... just a bit.

    the sweet and beautiful Mis BoheMia had a similar problem a few months ago -- i'm thinkin' it's too bad she didn't try your remedy. (tho' theirs was more of a false alarm, than anything else, it was still a major mess to attend to)

    here's hoping this turns out to be a MUCH better week, my friend! xox

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  8. yep, had them as a kid too. So sorry to hear of this misfortune.

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  9. SO GLAD YOU’RE BACK!!!!!!!!
    It feels like we're
    playing blog tag!

    Well you were deeply missed the few days you were shut-out from internetland. You must have been going nuts not being able to get on all that time. Welcome back!

    Wow! Little critters eh?
    A lot of parents are horrified when that happens!
    It's just a fact of life that when you send your kids to school,
    they're going to catch stuff. Colds. The flu. Critters. Attitudes.

    Anyhow, parents always think that if their kids catch the critters,
    they'll be looked upon as dirt-bags by other parents.
    Well they're right.
    Unfortunatly there are a lot of sanctimonious people out there who don't believe it can happen to them and love to pass judgment on others. It just keeps everyone feeling uptight.
    Well :0P PPPTBBBHTTSSSTHH~ to those people!

    So glad to hear you got through it!!!! Just tell your daughter it was a childhood rite of passage.
    (and then tell her to stay away from everyone forever). :0)

    MMMM Cheesecake huh?
    CHEESECAKE IS EVIL!!!!
    ....and my very best friend!

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  10. Great. Now I'm going to be scratching my head ALL DAY!

    I had lice as a kid once. Got it at school. UGH. I still remember that. Most annoying thing ever. EVER.

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  11. Minka: If I didn't laugh about it, I'd go nuts. I was lucky enough not to have them as a kid, but I remember the nurse at school checking all of us, and if anyone had lice they were immediately sent home. I wish my kids' school had a policy like that, it sure would save us all a lot of headaches.

    Neva: Those darn computers, ya can't live with 'em and ya can't live without 'em. Poor Miss Bohemia, even if it was a false alarm, because it is a huge mess. Not only do you have to treat the kids, you also have to wash absolutely everything.

    Old Mule: Thanks, I guess it's just part of being a kid.

    ZOA. Glad to see you're back too, I'll pop over to your blog later to see what's new. The computer problem was driving me nuts, especially because we couldn't figure out what was wrong. We even had a guy come over to check it out, and he couldn't even figure it out.

    Ro handled it pretty well, she had them once before, so she knew what the whole thing was about. The thing is it's just a mess to clean up, and if people find out, some can be quite cruel.

    Cheesecake is wonderful, but only in moderation. The problem is that moderation is not easy ;)

    Dorky Dad: Don't worry, as far as I know they're not transmitted over Internet, so you're safe. They are extremely annoying, aren't they?

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  12. Lice sucks. I babysat for a por family when i was young and got it from them.

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  13. You are definitely swimming at the deep of the sucky pool. Don't go any deeper either; tape worms aren't your friend either.

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  14. Myutopia: Being poor has nothing to do with having lice, they really don't discriminate, so you could have gotten them from a wealthy family just as easily. Although, I guess they are just as disgusting no matter where you get them from :)

    Variant: Don't worry, we're out of the pool now. I must say that if I had to choose between lice and tape worms (and I hope never to have to make such a choice) I'd stick with the lice.

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  15. Yeah, we're rid of the nasty buggers now, and the computer works too.

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  16. Obviously and hopefully, this is all history by now. Just the same I thought I'd give you a hug and a cheer for better days. Hope all have recuperated from the ordeal.

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