Sunday, May 27, 2007


I am now a member of the Order of the Thermomix.

Some people say this is a sect, but we're harmless, really, trust me. Yesterday, one of the higher ranking members came to initiate me, with a demonstration that would change my life. She came equipped with an amazing kitchen gadget, the ultimate kitchen gadget. This machine is so exclusive that you can't acquire it other than by having it personally delivered to your home (we wouldn't want anything so vulgar it could be bought in the store, now would we?).

It does everything: chops, grinds, whips, weighs, kneads, cooks, and it can even get you a date. Well, the date part's not exactly true, but if you tell a prospective date you have one of these machines they'll be much more likely to go out with you. There have been cases of divorce where couples fight harder over who's going to keep the Thermomix than over who gets to keep the house (and sometimes over who gets the kids). No matter that it sounds like a jet upon takeoff when using the high speeds, or that it almost waddles off the counter when kneading dough, no self-respecting kitchen should be without it.

My initiation ceremony began with strawberry ice-cream. Sugar, condensed milk, frozen strawberries - popped it in and in, turned it on, and in a matter of minutes we had strawberry ice cream. We also made lasagna, lemonade, seasoned bread crumbs, grated cheese, zucchini filled with Bolognese sauce, a small pizza, steamed potatoes with paprika, and a loaf of bread. What sold me was that Ro and Vio ate the whole dish full of steamed potatoes - That was an epiphany for me. "This machine has brainwashed them, and they're eating a vegetable without wheedling, cajoling, or threatening," flashed on and off like a neon sign in my brain, "I must have it...come to me my preciousss." So I signed away my kitchen soul, and a hefty sum of euros (it'll pay itself off in no time with all the money it saves you - this is the chant the order teaches its leaders) and now I am the proud owner of the wonder that is Thermomix. Warning! Do not let one of these women into your home unless you are prepared to spend a good part of your month's salary on this gadget (just remember, it pays for itself). You can be sure that by the time she leaves, you will have a refrigerator full of food, and a shiny new robot in your kitchen.

I have never liked cooking, I like eating, but not cooking. I also don't like talking about recipes, or hearing long stories about restaurants and how marvellous the cooking is. This is one of the few things that I have not adapted to here in Spain. Food is a major thing over here; people get together for lunch or dinner, which continue on for hours. Now, that part I can deal with, especially if my mother-in-law is cooking - Her food is divine. But when people get together they start sharing recipes, including long lists of ingredients, indications on the best places to shop, and long drawn out descriptions of procedures. When someone gets back from a trip, the inevitable question here is not, "What did you see?", but, "What did you eat?" When this happens, I eventually zone out, nodding my head occasionally, murmuring an occasional "hmmm", and "ah sí?" It's not that I do it on purpose; it's just that I don't like cooking and I truly could care less where to buy the tenderest green beans, or how cook them. If I want to cook something (a rare event, I cook, but usually not willingly) I just get out my trusty 1080 Recetas de Cocina (this is the Spanish cooking bible) and I look up the corresponding recipe and I make it. But now, with my new Thermomix (my preciousss), this may all change. This morning we made more bread, pizza dough, a cake, and lemon ice cream; this weekend I have spent more time in the kitchen than in the past month. Every time I pass the kitchen I look in to see if it's still preciouss... not going to let anyone steal my preciousss....

Update Tuesday May 29th:
My iron has pooped out on me, I think it's jealous of all the attention I'm giving to Precioussss. My preciousss has made more bread, a delicious pepper pizza, and confited peppers that just melt in your mouth when eaten on Melba toast spread with Philadelphia cheese.... OH MY GAWD! I am starting to go on and on about food - I've been abducted and my brain has been reprogrammed to constant cooking mode! Preciousss, we needs strawberry cheese cake.... we wants it....we neeeds it....

So, who wants to join the Order of the Thermomix? Well, if you're not sure about that, then go and worship the God of Humor at Central Snark - Once you enter, you'll never leave...Isn't that right, Precioussss?... yes....Preciousss....


  1. So, Theresa, it was you. Last week I received a telepathic message to order.....order.....ORDER SOMETHING FROM A LOOOOOOONG TV COMMERCIAL. In fact, ORDER TWO THINGS. No, one was not like the magnificent, do-all, THERMOMIX, that mixes all things edible, that you purchased. Mine does only one thing. It steams wrinkles out of clothes. I don't iron very often. I hand-iron, that is, smooth out creases bare-handed before folding. The second purchase I decided to write a blog about. I'm half finished (as of Friday). Do you believe in mind melds? Save me some money and don't make any more snap buying decision.......especially, don't think about it so loudly that I do it too. LOL..........Judy

  2. That ironing thing sounds interesting....Uh-oh, I'd better stop, otherwise I'll go out and buy that too. Actually, I have been thinking about buying a Thermomix for a long time - It's a kind of institution in this food-centered culture. My sister-in-law has had it for over 10 years, and every time we get together she sings its praises. Now I'll be going over to your blog to see what you the way, can I interest you in a....

  3. The thermomix people are all rubbing their ice cream -making machines in my face! Where do I get this machine and how did you get one in Spain? What has happened in Spain that you can get a thermomix before me????

  4. Theresa...come on over and borrow my new steamer. Maybe you can decipher the 27 steps necessary to put it together...Judy

  5. okay, Theresa -- for 24 euros a month I could have gotten my thermomix. Now in the us it is $945 so for 24 euros a month you are paying for what 5 years? Or is it that much cheaper in Europe? Am I going to have to visit my friends in Spain in order to afford my thermomix -- let's see plane tickets for 5 -- yeah, that would save me money...

  6. The Spanish do have such a passion for is such a sign of good and proper living.

  7. I am almost sold, but I need to know one thing. Does your precious give foot massages?

  8. I quit joining cults last month. I think I'm in a dozen now. That is my limit. If I get one of those, I'd have to quit one of my other ones. I can't have that happen.

  9. Okay, who brought the Thermomix into your life? You've been marketed, friend.

    But it sounds great fun. I'm going to need periodic updates on this newest member of your family.

  10. rjlight: Thermomix has been around here for years, and it does so much more than just ice cream. The price is probably about the same, I don't know what the exchange rate from dollars to euros it right now, but you won't get it much cheaper here. You could come over just to do some sightseeing, that could be even better than having one of these gadgets :)

    j.d.: Ummm, 27 steps to put the thing together - Thanks, but I think I'll wait 'til mine is fixed. Hope you figure it out okay.

    Old Mule: Food is a major thing over here, but unfortunately fast food is taking over at an alarming rate.

    Dan: Nope, sorry, that's one of the few things it doesn't do. but if you make a delicious home cooked meal for someone with it, I'm sure they'd be happy to give you a foot massage (And who knows what else) ;)

    Dorky Dad: Well, if you get tired of the other cults, you know where to find me.

    Jocelyn: The Thermomix has had a major following over here for years. My sister in law has had it for years, and lots of other people I know say they would never go back to cooking the old-fashioned way. Yesterday we made some ice cream that was just heavenly, and we also did pesto sauce, tomato sauce and steamed potatoes with paprika (Are you drooling yet?)

  11. Wait till you hear about McDonald's. They do everything for you.

  12. Is it programable? The machine, I mean. I know you are.

  13. One Euro equals approximately one dollar and fifty cents Canadian. (as of a few weeks ago when I sent things to Morgan) Canadian dollar is way up and equals about ninety-six cents or so American.....Judy

  14. I could make room for it next to the juicer which we'll be using again any day now. That does sound wonderful. All of that food you mentioned is making my mouth water.

  15. OH my God. If I had a kitchen, this would be the tool to have.
    I bet your husband and kids like it, too.
    You had me at Starwberry ice-cream!

  16. that Thermonix thing looks hard to operate... do you need an advanced degree to start it up?

  17. On a totally unrelated topic, I just saw that the dress Audrey Hepburn wore in Breakfast at Tiffany's sold for $190,000 at Sotheby's.

    Were you the lucky buyer?

  18. How freakin cool! I totally want one!

  19. Oooh, I want one. I'd never use it; it would just be in my kitchen and friends would wonder what it was but not have the guts to admit they have no idea. They'd probably be thinking I was some secret culinary genious and that they hadn't gone to the proper schools and all. I like it!

  20. Sounds too dangerous for me, you know, with the whole diet thing. But it does seem like something I'd love.

  21. "It will pay for itself with all the money you'll save? Does it go out and buy the groceries too?

    It looks really cool! It sounds expensive though. One day if I ever win the lottery, I want a Kirby Vacuum Cleaner.
    Even though I tore out all of my carpets and refinished the hardwood floors, I still want one.

    It's so funny that you don't enjoy cooking. I'm the exact same way.
    Last year, I got a few really good sized commission checks, so I went out and bought almost every kitchen gadget we'd never owned and then some! New cookware, dishes, bake ware, you name it! I cooked huge gourmet meals every night for months. It really makes a difference when you have the right equipment.

    Needless to say I started getting as big as a house so I slowed down a smidge.

  22. Diesel: I bought this to keep my kids away from places like that.

    Doug: Absolutely programmable, just like me ;)

    j.d.: Hmm, is it worth it to do all those conversions? Nah.

    Snay: It is, isn't it?

    G: It makes some delicious meals, takes up a lot of space, though.

    If only I had had $190,001 I would have had that dress.

    Minka: You don't have a kitchen? Where do you eat?

    Teri: I'll hook you up with the lady that sells 'em.

    Minijon: Let's see, you need degrees in Advanced Engineering, Computer Programming, and Nutrition. No sweat, right?

    Myutopia: Okay, I'll just send someone over to do a demo.

    Variant: Yeah, it's good for that too, you can totally impress people with this thing.

    kfk: No, it's not dangerous, it even has a built in scale. You can weigh every last ingredient.

    ZOA: If it went out and did the shopping I would set up a shrine to it. So what does that vaccum cleaner thing do? Does it pick up after your kids? If it does, I want one.

  23. they said the same damn thing about food processers, didn't they? i've used mine (which i've had for over 11 years) exactly zero times. i mean to, but then i remember that, like you, i hate cooking, and as far as i'm concerned, that includes everything leading up to the actual cooking process! the fact that the Thermomix cooks up the food (after all that mixing, etc) then serves it on a china platter is hardly a selling point. now give me something that can order take out, then pick it up, and we'll tawk!

    that said, i know i'll enjoy finding out how this works out for you. ; ) xox

  24. Oh, if I had enough money to order out every day I would, but since that's not the case, I'm giving this a try. So far it's going well, and the stuff I've made has been delicious (which is more than can be said for what I used to cook). At least it's much less of a hassle than regular cooking, which is what I've done 'til now. I'll keep you posted :)