Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The Dinner at Buckingham Palace

I was over at Mattress Police today to see which captions got picked for Diesel's Spiderman Caption Contest, and was just thrilled to see that I'm in the running. I'm still jumping up and down and clapping my hands in excitement (which is making it rather hard to write this post). Since I am so happy, I feel like telling you all a joke:

A friend told me this joke in Spanish, involving some well-known politicians, and I've decided to do an English version with some tiny changes. Very few people know what really happened when President Bush visited England in 2003, so here's the inside scoop:

Buckingham Palace. The queen is holding a dinner party to celebrate President Bush’s visit to England. The dinner is attended by many members of the royal family and important political figures. When the guests sit down to dinner they are dazzled by the vast array of food and the exquisite table settings. Laura Bush says to her husband:
- Oh Georgie, look at that lovely cutlery. It’s pure gold, with inlaid diamonds and emeralds. Come on, please, take one as a keepsake. I have to have one.
- But Laura, how can you ask me to do such a thing?
- No buts. I want you to take one right now.
- Okay, okay…

So, Bush nonchalantly slips a knife off the table, into his jacket pocket. Prime Minister Tony Blair and his wife were sitting right in front of them. Cherie Blair, envious of Laura Bush, says to her husband:
- Come on Tony; take a piece of cutlery for me too.
- But Cherie, I can’t do that!
- If Bush’s wife has one, I want one too. Don’t argue with me.

So, Blaire tries to slip a knife discreetly into his pocket. But his hand trembles and betrays him, and he accidentally taps the knife against a glass several times. Clink, clink, clink, clink…
Suddenly, everyone is silent, and Blair, blushing, not knowing what to do, stands and raises his glass to make a toast.
- Let us make a toast to Her Majesty. Long live the Queen!

Everyone raises their glasses and says, “Long live the Queen!” Blair sits down, relieved to have gotten himself out of such an embarrassing situation. Cherie angrily says to him:
- Tony, you’re just so clumsy! But I’m not leaving here without a piece of cutlery.
- Look darling, I just can’t do it, just give it up.
- No, no, and no! Laura has one and I want one too.
- Oh really, you can be so annoying sometimes…although, the cutlery is beautiful, and valuable.

Tony Blair once again tries to slip the knife off the table, but again his hand shakes and he taps the glass once more. Total silence. Blair stands again and makes a toast, this time to Prince Charles:
- To the future King of England!

Relieved, Blair sits down again. Cherie attacks him again:
- You’re so useless!! You’re not even capable of stealing a simple knife.
- But I…
- No buts. I want my knife, and I want it now.
- But can’t you see that my hand shakes and I just can’t do it.
- Look, if you don’t get me that knife this very instant, I’ll throw a fit right here in front of everyone.
- Don’t be like that, darling.
- Shut up! You’d better be getting that knife immediately, and if you screw up again, I’ll tell everyone here that I’m divorcing you.

So, Blair decides to try again. But his shaking hand makes him tap the glass once more. Clink, clink, clink, clink…Blair breaks out in a cold sweat, and he sees his wife seething with anger, ready to burst at any moment. Thinking quickly, he says:
- Please, allow me to do a magic trick. Do you all see this knife I am holding? Well, I am going to make it disappear. I put it in my pocket, and say the magic word “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”, and … voila! George, look in your pocket…

8 comments:

  1. kfk: Hi, glad to see you giggling!

    Actionbell: Yeah, I got a good laugh when I heard it. It was told to me with the Spanish president and the leader of a regional political party.

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  2. You are in Spain and I see that there is rain. Is Pamplona on the plain?

    Great punch line. Cherie gets the knife and Laura doesn't. It's definately worth a trip to Diesel's......Judy

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  3. Haha, that was a good one. As was your caption. Now let me go visit again.

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  4. J.D.: No, actually, the rain in Spain doesn't stay mainly on the plain. And today we even had hail, kind of crazy. Pamplona's in the North, near the Pyrenees.

    You can substitute Bush and Blair for anyone you like, but I have to admit that the mental image of them in that situation is too funny.

    G: Glad you enjoyed it. That caption wasn't my favorite, but oh well, at least one got picked. I liked your "tangled web" one.

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  5. Ha ha! I like it.

    One question: Who's Tony Blair?

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  6. Man, you do live in a small town.

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